Cold hands, warm shart.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
