My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
