I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
