Already got asked if we're dating
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
