Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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