She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
