A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
