Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Randomize
