i would punch a child for taco bell
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
