you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
