I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
