it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
