I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
