Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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