i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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