I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
