Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
