1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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