he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
