i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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