You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize