Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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