left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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