She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
