She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
