you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
