New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Alive.
So much puke
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
