i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
