Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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