oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
They took my balls.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
