I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
