I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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