you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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