You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
