Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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