is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
