I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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