I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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