Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
