I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
