I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can you repeat that, but with context?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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