Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
