i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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