you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So squirting runs in the family.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
