how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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