well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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