'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
