Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
