The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
