Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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