Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
