this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
