Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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