Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
